Category: Life

Life, Product Review

Natural Deodorant

Sirua

A few months back I decided to change my deodorant. At first it was cause oh no there’s aluminum and all these articles about how it’s linked to breast cancer. Besides the fact that even though most deodorants would just “stop” working for me or I still smelled no matter what I would do (scrubbing skin almost raw doesn’t work for long.)

I decide to venture in finding something more natural and help against odor. Even if research is little I rather not take my chances with the risks since my family members have a history with breast cancer. Plus trying new things would probably help. Who knows.

I’ve tried a few including Native, Lume, & Bends soap company. I did love them all don’t get me wrong. One issue I ran into was the ingredient baking soda. To be fair I didn’t know this until I actually tried some products. Since I read there’s adjustment period I figured that’s what was going on. No. Not at all. Apparently, my armpits don’t agree with baking soda. At first it was a soreness I couldn’t explain. Soon the pigment of my skin began to change and my skin started to peel. Lume is baking soda free so when I switched back to that I finally realized that the soreness slowly went away and the skin in my armpit soon felt better. Took 2-3 weeks for my skin to heal from the peeling and dark pigmentation. Looking back now I laugh because of all things to irritate me it would be baking soda. I do enjoy Lume but I’m not the greatest fan of their unscented version. Since I bought it. They’ve released different scents. I bought the tube with the cream since it’s good for other areas. Including under boob (sorry guys! Us ladies sweat underneath there too sometimes) and near our private bits. A small amount goes a long way!

The one I’ve been using constantly. That I always go back to and eventually plan on trying other scents soon is Little Seed Farm Natural Deodarant.

I’ve only used the lavender scent so far. Smells lovely and it didn’t irritate at all. They also have a sample pack here to try each of their scents here: Little Seed Farm Deodorant Sample Pack

It comes with a little wooden stick to apply. I usually just use my finger and make sure to get the whole area and outer just in case. It’s definitely one of the better natural deodorants I’ve used. I’m in love with it and can’t wait to try their other scents! I love that it’s made with organic ingredients and I haven’t noticed anymore weird odors. Overall it’s worked for the past 3 months that I’ve had it! The container is small but it really does last anywhere from 2-4 months depending on how much you use or need. Definitely will continue to purchase this.

Thanks again everyone for reading. I do reviews from time to time on different things that I’ve tried and have made my life a little easier like this deodorant transition. Next, I’ll probably do things I used or didn’t use when my son was a newborn and even now for any mommas out there. Much love everyone!

*As an Amazon affiliate I do receive commissions on qualifying purchases made from the provided links*

Life, Succulent/Plants

Why Succulents?

Sirua

Sometimes it’s weird how we discover hobbies that we never thought we would be into. At first, I started off with a small terrarium plant. I realized it wasn’t happy at all in it and I researched how to take care of these new succulents of mine. One thing led to another and suddenly I was finding beautiful succulents all over online. Purchased some and I never turned back since then. It was therapeutic to wake up and go through my morning routine. Let my son unwind a bit and check on these beauties from time to time. I eventually started purchasing more and joined some Facebook groups to share the love about succulents. It’s amazing who you meet and talk to. Sharing tips and advice when needed. Sharing photos of the different types there are. I’ve met some amazing people through all this and I couldn’t be happier tending to my plants. I get to admire their beauty. Watch them grow and change in color from time to time. Recently I’ve been into pinks and peach colors lately. Sometimes purples, greens and blues (reminds me of mermaids). It’s nice to be kept busy. It’s weird to think I was/still a gamer. I use to play a lot before my son. I miss it sometimes but it’s nice to find something new and exciting to do. I have low and high days emotionally and get easily overwhelmed by things at times so having a hobby does help deal with a lot of the anxiety, stress and depression I tend to deal with. Although it’s not a cure. It’s something to help through those tough days. The days where I feel like I’m not enough as a mother or wife. Those days where I feel like my grief is lingering longer than usual. So why succulents? Well, cause they make me happy and appreciate the beauty of nature. Sharing that love with other people. You start to find yourself again. A little help sometimes goes a long way.

Thanks for reading if you reached this far. It’s hard to put into words how one hobby and a bunch of plants can help. It’s the strangest thing. Anyone else have a hobby they love? Comment below and share your passion.

Life, Succulent/Plants

Growing Succulent Collection

Sirua

I started off with about 14 plants back in the beginning of October. I didn’t think much of it cause since I was never a “plant” person. Well…I was wrong. Since then, which only a month has passed, I’ve gotten over 100 succulents in over 80 varieties. Crazy right? They weren’t kidding when they said you’ll get addicted and still more pending to come. I have everything from common varieties to rare Korean imports in my collection. I eventually am looking to sell some of them in the future if they happen to have offsprings or if I run out of room and have to cut down. My top favorites at the moment are many but I’ll name three in the order of my favorites with photos down below and where/who I got them from. If you’re looking for anything different or similar I recommend joining Succulent Market Place on Facebook. There’s so many beautiful and different kinds of succulents sold. Thank you for reading and comment below if you’re a fellow succulent addict like myself! I’ll post more of my collection soon if anyone’s interested. Much love everyone!

Echeveria Sea Dragon from The Sacred Succulent

Echeveria Monroe from The Sacred Succulent

Echeveria Lingxue from Lynn Zou in Succulent Market Place

Grief, Life

Pets are more than just Animals

Sirua

It’s odd how these little creatures leave the biggest impressions in our hearts. They can only live for so long and it’s heartbreaking to even think when they come to you at any point of your life or their lives. That one day they’ll leave you.

I used to be a dog person. Least I thought I was. I love them yet I wouldn’t want to have one since it doesn’t fit our lifestyle personally. I ended up with three cats somehow (I like to pretend they showed up here one day lol) and never looked back. Everyday they bring some kind of laughter and comfort to all of us while also being a pain. We wouldn’t have it any other way.

They’ve grounded me more than I can express words. My third cat I got after losing my daughter. The first two comforted me through some tough times. Simple things like being frustrated at work to sad days. But, nothing like trauma and grief. I’ve never seen them so anxious and smothering. Cats aren’t known to be as affectionate as dogs. Including my own. They enjoy our company but don’t find us holding them for a long period of time pleasant at all. It was the next morning after my loss that I woke up and there it was. That feeling of never wanting to get out of bed to fave the world ever again. A silence so deafening I could scream so I turned around to try and sleep to find my two fluff balls on the bed with me. Normally, they don’t get along or would of meowed for more food or at least looked up at me. Instead they decided to come closer to curl up near my body, their ears perked up as the tears came, the silence broken with the sobs. The sobs of a heartbroken soul. They pitted silently and I fell asleep. This happened for about a week straight. My husband would have to take them off the bed or wake them up to lay in bed with me. I found it sweet that they didn’t leave my side in the morning. It’s as if they were grieving with me…

I’m sure there’s so many stories like this one. Where these beautiful creatures help their humans more than they could ever comprehend. Most say “They’re just animals. They don’t know.” I beg to differ as I sit here with my son and mostly surrounded by at least one of them. Keeping an eye out always. Pets aren’t always just animals to people. They’re family.

Thank you for reading! Would love if anyone shared their stories related to their pets and the joy they bring you! Much love everyone. Till the next blog.

Grief, Life, motherhood

My Story, My Babies.

Sirua

*Trigger Warning*

This isn’t for the faint of heart. I talk about pregnancy loss and I talk about medical termination of one of my pregnancies (abortion because of medical reasons). I also talk about depression and dark thoughts similar to suicide. That might be triggering to some.

If you decide to read do so at your own risk and if you have anything to share feel free. However, I will ban comments that are deemed inappropriate. Thank you for understanding.

Alright, it’s been real everyone. This might be longer than I want it to be. I don’t mind sharing my experiences. It’s tough to even put it in words sometimes. So I’ll do my best and share what I can.

In honor of pregnancy and miscarriage awareness month (October 15th is the Remembrance Day) I decided to share my story. I’ve touched on it in the past. But never in depth talked about my emotions. My thoughts. The grieving process I suppose. I find that talking about it and sharing my story can help others going through the same thing or open a perspective for some that may know someone going through it or simply want to know what we go through. There’s no words for people who’ve experienced this. No amount of words can take the pain away. But, if sharing this can open people’s eyes and chip away the stigma around it. I’m more than honored to talk about it.

Over three years ago on May 23rd, 2016 I would wake up like any other day. No symptoms besides one of my cats being all over the days leading up to. I would take another pregnancy test the same way I did all the other days only for it to come up negative. I was sure it would be negative again. It’s been 10 months of trying to conceive how would that day be any different; or so I thought. Through heavy eyelids, I checked my test five minutes later and saw it clear as day. The other line. The line that tells me I was with child. My life was going to change. My husband was going to be a father. My family would welcome this child with love. Oh how this child would be loved.

As the days passed I dealt with stretching pains, an excited family wondering what we would be having. A girl or a boy. Everyone swore up and down it would be a boy. While my husband and I were sure I was having a girl. I have a journal where I kept my thoughts and growing maternal instinct almost every week. The joy we felt when found out we were going to have a baby girl. I still swell with bittersweet emotions from the thought. How tightly my husband held my hand. The way I laughed when they told us it was a girl. Surprising my parents with a chocolate cake that had a pink flower. It’s all there. I cherish those memories. My last memories with her. The last ones I had where I was a first time mother unaware and oblivious to the devastation to come. How I wish I could hug her. Prepare her for what’s to come.

I won’t go into too much detail of that day. I’ll share my thoughts through the whole thing and what actually happened.

August 24th was probably like any other day I suppose. I always bled a bit during my pregnancy with Rosebud. Always had urine infections. That was all normal for 18 weeks. The cramps were surprisingly more painful. As the day carried on my cramps would get worse. Eventually, leading me to call my dad to drop me off to the Emergency Room just in case. I was always told to go to the ER if I experienced bleeding that was out of the ordinary. After a few hours I was out. They checked my Baby girl. She looked great and figured she was sleeping since they prodded her and she moved around. Heartbeat strong as can be. My cervix closed and no signs of anything wrong. My husband had texted me saying maybe I was having first pregnancy jitters. That I was perfect and she was perfectly fine. The cramps never subsided as I went home with my sister in law. We talked about how weird it was that I was still having pain. I was tired. All I wanted was to get to bed and wake up feeling better. Upon arriving home I felt like I was (literally) peeing myself. I chalked it up to the urine infection while baby is on my bladder as I ran to the bathroom to clean up.

“More blood? More water? Why doesn’t my pee stop? It’s as if I have no control over myself anymore. This pain. What are these pains on my right side? My appendix? Great. I’m pregnant and about to perhaps die because my appendix is about to burst.“

Eventually the pain was coming in and out every few minutes and since I couldn’t reach my parents (it was about past 2am at this point) I called 911. I cried because of the pain and fear. At no point did the thought crossed my mind that I was in labor. I actually thought I was dying of something else. This is where things get fuzzy for me the ambulance ride, arriving, getting my vitals checked, my sister in law asking me if I was okay. I was in a lot of pain and all I wanted was for this pain to stop. I didn’t want to die. I just wanted everything to be okay. I remember my sister in law telling me that the sheets I had hugged between my legs were slowly getting soaked in blood. Before it truly could hit me. It happened. I felt a part of me die. I felt my heart slowly crumble. A little light in my soul go out. I barely remember what I said only the tears and no matter how much I cried out. It wasn’t going to make time stand still. I wasn’t going to get my daughter back. Making the dreadful call to my parents. Telling them I had lost my baby. Their first grandchild. My husband would get a text at work saying his daughter was gone and that his wife was probably bleeding. How time passed so slowly at first in that room where they told me not only that I lost my daughter but my placenta wasn’t coming out. I was losing blood. To endure even more pain to save me. The dark thoughts that went through me at first.

“Do I really want to be saved? Was it worth saving someone who was now an empty shell?”

Yes. I was. But I didn’t know it at the time.

I watched the pale look on my husband’s face as he walked into the room. The guilt and despair on his face was haunting. No tears. Only emotions. I was okay, right? I would be. Just not today or the days to come.

Her ashes are with us. A UTI gone bad to the point it weakened her placenta and everything around her. Nothing could of been done. No amount of antibiotics. Nothing. The grief was still in our hearts when I found out I was pregnant again only months later. We were excited yet cautious. Only to find out that our baby was not well. His brain hadn’t developed and his heart was going to give out any day. He never moved or showed any other signs of life besides his slow heartbeat. Unfortunately, I decided to terminate at around 15 weeks with him. Enough to find out what we were having and figure out what was wrong. The devastation I felt was doubled upon. I cried the whole way home not caring who was around me. I had experience the loss of not one but two babies. I felt as though the world hated me. That I wasn’t meant to be a mother. I was overwhelmed with emotions even up to the day of termination. May 30th 2017 I would lose Ulrich; Our first son.

No one prepares for this. Pregnancy is a time of joy and preparing yourself to be a parent whether it be the first time, second or more after. Also, it not only impacts the immediate person but even those around you sometimes. I was in a dark place where I didn’t know how I could go on without my babies. I did therapy, played video games, took walks with my husband. I started to realize that I had to take things a day at a time. My day would come where I would be a mother hopefully one way or another. Thankfully, I was able to. Yet there are days I think about my babies and the tears come running. Nothing can prepare you for grief. We just live with it everyday.

Thank you for reading this far. If you or anyone you know has experienced pregnancy loss or stillbirth, I am so sorry. My condolences are with you and that person. I hope you know that you’re not alone. Much love everyone.

Life, Shedding my Weight, weight loss

Weight loss and Hormones

Sirua

Getting on that scale every Friday is intimidating. I look forward to it to see what’s working and what’s not. I don’t because I’m afraid to fail. As a woman of course every month I go through a week of having my menstrual (yes, my period) and the cravings used to be for Oreos. Not that I would deny having an Oreo milkshake even now. However, it’s usually much less likely for me to deny any while dealing cramps.

Luckily, I’ve been able to curb the cravings so far. I don’t deny myself the sweets. I only taste and move on for the most part. Besides, the protein shakes and afternoon walks really do curb the cravings as much as it can. I’m proud to say that although before my vacation I lost 3 pounds and gained 4. I was able to lost 7 lbs since coming back September 12. It’s been a month and 7 lbs is progress. Although I’m sure I can lose more. I’ll continue to do so. I’ll take as much as I can get at this point. Even if it’s 1lb a week. I’ll share more as I go. For now it’s only protein in the morning. Less carbs. More water. Combined with intermittent fasting. Hopefully I’ll continue losing every week!

Life

NYC Comic Con 2019

Sirua

The adventure never ends! My husband and I have been trying out best to get out there. Save money aside to attend events together. Last time we went to comic con was 2015 so it was about time to return! I love the atmosphere, cosplays and everyone enjoying their time. The booths and exclusive items. Artists selling their artworks. It’s amazing the amount of things you can get. It’s fairly easy to spend money on things and lose track from all the awesome things that are sold! Also can’t tell you how many times we stopped different cosplayers for photos. Mostly my sister in law honestly. I preferred taking the photos and exploring the booths for cool pieces to take home. Overall, I love the experience and will probably end up going every year if possible. If you want to see a few photos I took. Check out my Instagram. Next year, I’ll bring my camera and focus on getting much better photos. Anyone else enjoy going to comic con or other social events? Let me know below. Thanks for reading!

When I frame and put up all the artwork we purchased. I’ll post them up with the artist credentials for you all to check them out. I’m all about supporting artists and their well deserved work.

Life, Shedding my Weight, weight loss

Weight Loss Update

Sirua

As most of you know from my previous blog. I started my weight loss journey to hopefully reach my goal slowly. Going on vacation I did my best to limit myself (not have seconds of any foods. Tasting dessert rather than finishing them. Limiting carbs as much as I could) overall I only gained 2 pounds which isn’t bad! Thought it would be more like 5 pounds. It’s been 2 weeks and I’m already down the 2 pounds that I gained. I need to buy more fat burner protein. Go back to limiting my carb intake more. Going out for more walks at least 4 times a week. Currently it’s about 3-4 but they’re usually short or too long that I lose the nerve to go the next day. I really hope in 6 months to reach my small goal of losing about 15 pounds. Wish me luck cause it’s more difficult than I planned it would be.

Life

Cruising Experience

Sirua

I’m back! Took a few days to settle in. After being on a ship for a little over 8 days. Stepping on land was interesting. For two days standing still or even laying still was an issue. It felt like I was still on the ship so I kept myself busy cause the feeling is weird. Thankfully it’s gone.

The experience overall was amazing. You have all this anxiety beforehand to get ready, pack, leaving our son behind with his grandparents (ended up being the least stressful thing. He loved being with them!) and overall first vacation as a couple jitters. Once you’re on the ship, checked in, in the room or hanging out up in the deck with the view. Your body, your soul, everything just relaxes. We couldn’t believe it! As a parent we were going to miss our boy. As a couple it was lovely to know that we would have this time to ourselves and savor being away for a bit.

First off, there’s so much food! Buffet, Tacos/Burritos, burgers, Pizza 24/7, Deli, bbq, pasta, gourmet dinners, desserts and of course drinks! Most of these are included but some cost extra money (specialty restaurants, alcohol, things from the islands or port you stop at)

Overall everything tasted wonderful! I tried my best to try new things and I went with things that either looked appetizing, sounded good or would order something familiar just in case. There’s always something new to try or you can go with what’s wonderful already. Which is what I love. Cooking at home can be stressful. I love cooking but some days I just don’t know what to make so having that all done for you and not have to worry about what to eat on a vacation is a definite highlight. There’s so much to share and tell. I’ll probably save for another day if anyone’s interested. For now I’ll share some photos or click here to follow me on Instagram for some photos and of course any updates. Back to the real world I go!

Dream Journal, Life

Spiritual Dreaming

Sirua

Ever since I was young. I’ve been dreaming (literally) almost my whole life as far as I can remember. Anywhere between random, happy, or nightmares. I’m not sure when the nightmares began. I was probably about five which is normal for any child to have night terrors. You eventually think it’ll be something you grow out of. You start to even avoid horror movies or creepy stories. Just to see if you can avoid having nightmares. Unfortunately, I never grew out of it. I wonder if it’s my overactive imagination or my emotions have a way of showing itself to me in the most horrible ways. It went to the point that while dreaming, I developed (well my brain somewhere did this) some sort of way to protect itself during these times of horrors or protect myself from “real” life. It’s almost as if another part of myself talks and interacts with me when I need it the most.

Another thing I’ve noticed. Not sure if it this applies to my obsession with orcas when I was younger but when I was young. I would always dream about an orca when I was scared or struggling through life. If I was near a body of water in my dream. I would see either it’s tail or dorsal fin. I could see it has some sort of tribal “tattoos” while passing through. If I dreamt I was in the water. There was nothing. Just me in the water and slowly from the corner of my eye it would appear and pass by me. The dream is quiet as if all of sudden I’m deaf and nothing else matters but the connection between me and this orca. The tribal “tattoos” are a deep red from what I can remember. As an adult now, where I don’t watch anything that has to do with orcas. It almost feels like something I default to when I’m dreaming and going through a hard time in life. It’s either the orca or someone speaking to me in my dreams. The brain works in mysterious way I suppose.

Anyone else have vivid dreams? Dreamt of things before they happened? There’s so many other dreams I would like to share with y’all from my dream journal. Much love and take care!