Category: Life

Life

Green and Loved

Sirua

I’ve always wanted a plant to brighten and liven things up a bit in my home. It’s hard because having three cats there’s so many plants that can be poisonous and I rather look in person than online. It was long forgotten till today. I was able to get a terrarium succulent while grocery shopping today. It’s adorable, small and I fell in love with it. I researched how to care for it. Bought the fertilizer for it every month. Put it in my room (which faces south and has bright light coming in) and now we have a lovely little plant. Hopefully these cats don’t try to mess with it. They were more curious than anything. We shall see how it progresses. I never took care of a plant or even owned one in the past four years. Do I have a green thumb? Or will this be an epic fail…

Enjoy this photo of my cat Makoto checking out our new addition

Any tips about succulents or plants that aren’t poisonous to my cats while being easy to take care of. Let me know in the comments! Or drop a comment if you have a succulent and let me know how it’s doing.

Grief, Life, motherhood

Three without You

Sirua

Happy birthday my Rosebud. It’s been three years.

Three years I’ll never get with you,

-even I find it hard to believe it’s true.

Three years I’ve dealt with this grief,

-still in on our minds even if it’s brief.

Three years that still haunt me today,

-some days I still ask myself if I’m okay.

Three years here without you here,

-Yet, our love for you never disappeared.

For those that don’t know. I was suppose to have a daughter January 2017. But life has other plans and she was born August 2016. Every year I write a poem. We eat out and silently celebrate her. As I reminisce in my pregnancy with her. She was my first. The one that gave me all those first feelings. Doubts. Dreams. All that I can ever hope for in the 4 months that I carried her. If you’ve been through this I’m so sorry. Life heals. Life gets better. You never forget, you just find a new way to live.

Life, Shedding my Weight, weight loss

The Little Things in Weight Loss

Sirua

It’s easy to want to see fast results when you’re on a journey to weight loss. That’s why small goals matter. Ones that are easy to reach. Celebrate them accordingly and it’ll help your mindset, motivation and confidence.

Last month I purchased distressed Bermuda shorts in the size I usually buy and felt as if they were tighter than usual. I felt defeated and upset since they were so cute. I put them with the pile of “Jeans that might fit later” which is right next to “Pants that will probably never fit me again”. Sad, but true. I decided to try them on today with not much hope since I didn’t feel all that different. It’s been almost 2 weeks since I became serious about my journey and BOOM! They fit like a glove. I even did the squat test and they didn’t feel like they were going to rip and the button didn’t dig into my abdomen. As I silently sit here and do my quiet hurrays. I can’t help but feel even more motivated. This means I need to be more diligent. Find beauty in these tiny victories. Where will I be a month from now? 3 months? 6 months? A year? Let’s hope I’ll be fitting into one of the piles of jeans I have for later.

Life

Countdown to Vacation Time

Sirua

My husband and I have yet to ever take a vacation together at all. Every year something always came up. The excuses would pile up. Until this year. I said enough and finally booked us a cruise to the Caribbean. As the days close in and we start packing my anxiety builds. This is going to be the first vacation together after 8 years. The first time we will be away from our son for a week. The conflicting emotions made me tear up. However, as parents and spouses we definitely need this. I’m so glad my son has my parents. His grandparents to love and take care of him. I know he will enjoy his stay. He will be comfortable, loved and fed that when I come back. I’m not even sure he will have missed us. Here’s to new things and more adventures!

Life, Shedding my Weight

Week 1 Weight Loss

Sirua

I thought this week would be harder. I’ll admit I’ve opened my eyes and see how people can be tempted back into old habits. How easy would it be to eat that cookie? To order pizza and not count how many slices I’ve already eaten? Or wake up and eat a snack at 3 am? Yeah it’s hard. But I set this goal for myself. For my health. To show myself that I CAN do this. Some days while I’m walking outside with my son in his stroller. Legs still a bit sore from walking for over a mile yesterday (Well everyday of this week so far). Been drinking the fat burning shakes once everyday for the past 5 days. It’s yummy besides the aftertaste which is tolerable. 1 pound down, so much more to go. My husband and sis in law have joined to help ourselves start a healthier lifestyle. Of course they’ve lost more than I have. Which is amazing just wish I would have the same results. I’ll have to try harder and be more careful with what I eat. Drink more water and keep up with the walks. The goal is at least 5lbs down by the end of the month.

Life

Bittersweet Memories

Sirua

Oh August how wonderful and bittersweet you are. It’s the last month before fall which is my favorite time of year. It’s the weird in between month where it would be the last month before school started. The month before the season would change. You felt the breeze become cooler. The energy of the city would take a different turn as businesses and families prepared for the upcoming school days, the cold and of course the holidays. I would swell in excitement and skittish vibes. What would the year bring? Always hoping it would be better than last year. Growing up my perspective was different. It was hopeful and at times a bit lonely growing up. Then things changed….

August 2016 changed for me after I lost my daughter. I go back to that whole month savoring and reminiscing in the last good memories I had being pregnant with her. Finding out we were having a girl. Playing Pokémon Go to get in my walks for the day. We were looking forward to everything with her. Being pregnant in the winter sounded perfect to me. She would of been born close to my birthday. Losing her changed August for me. I might not smile the same but I feel the breeze for her sake. I enjoy the change of seasons because she didn’t. I will include her and her brother I lost after in May 2017 during holidays. I’ll hold their brother who’s running around right now tighter. These bittersweet sweet memories I’ll always hold near me. August will always bring it back to me and for that I thank you.

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside of us while we live. -Norman Cousins

Life

Being Their Voice

Sirua

Before ever becoming a mother. The thought brought an anxiety that was so overwhelming I didn’t think I would have any children. How can I take care of this little person that’s my own? Was I capable of being a good mother? Show them that the world is both beautiful yet so cruel. All these thoughts still haunt me. Little less than before they’re replaced with other things now but they’re still there some days.

I also realized throughout life and now having my son. How careful we as parents need to be when we speak to them as they’re growing. It’s easy for them to absorb everything. Children are truly sponges to those around them. We parents are legitimately their first interaction with the world. It comes to no surprise that even to this day I can still hear my parents voices for a lot of the decisions I make in life. It’s something I find humorous most days. When I went to get my first tattoo I could already feel the disappointment of my parents and hear them saying how I probably ruined my body by getting it. Mind you, I was 22 almost 23 and didn’t really mind their disapproval at this point. I’m usually confident in most of my decisions and what I do with my body now that I’m older. Yet, even still I hear them in my head before doing anything. It’s becoming more faint as the years go by and it made me realize that the strongest voices in our children is mostly ours. Their self esteem, confidence, fears and overall sense of self mostly comes from being around us. I hope that I can be better and give my son more positive thoughts than negative ones. That he won’t feel the need to hide things from me. After all, we have free will. Regardless what we tell them. They can choose to rebel against it or listen. They’re always listening. They’re always watching. Strive to be better cause perfection does not exist.

This has always been a fear of mine with having kids. I hope one day if they ever do hear my voice or their dad’s voice. It’s help guide them through life decisions and if it’s small things that they’ll laugh like I did. All in good time I suppose.

Life

Industrial Piercing

Sirua

It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. The worst part is mostly after. The aftercare and trying to remember the piercing is there. It’s fresh and it hurts when I forget it’s there! It’s rare but it happens and I’m sure it will continue to happen. I’ll be posting healing updates and progression photos until I change it. One thing for sure I completely forgot I can’t swim underwater with a fresh piercing. Gladly, the vacation I have planned isn’t all about swimming.

Day 1 Freshly pierced

Day 3 Little to no blood and not much swelling

This might take a while to heal anywhere from 4 months to 1 year. Hoping for the best healing wise. Wish me luck.

Life

Body Modifications

Sirua

I’ve always been interested in piercings. Growing up I wanted extra holes above the ear piercings I had already. Get my nose pierced and snake bites. Never did the snake bites though. My body is prone to scarring easily and didn’t want to chance the skin around my lips bruising. The nose piercing I ended up loving and still do! It’s been 2 years and I still love how it makes my overall face look. I was tempted to get a septum but with a one year old who am I kidding?

Today I’ve decided to get an industrial (A bar in my upper ear cartilage) which makes me nervous. I think sitting here on the bus on my way there. I’m building up anxiety and a non existing expectation of pain. I’ve gotten tattoos. Pierced more than once. Given birth with epidural and yet a needle still makes my stomach flop. How’s that even possible? I need to get it together. If anyone out there reading this has ever gotten an industrial or pierced in worse places. Please tell me I’m crazy and I’m nervous for no reason.

Life

“The Journey to Self Care”

Sirua

I wasn’t always the type to take care of myself before. The most I would do is indulge in my favorite foods or snack on an Oreo if I was feeling wild. Then, I learned that self care runs a lot deeper than that. If I’m being honest. I really started about a few months ago being serious about my self care and before that my mental health. That’s a story for another day. Stay tuned.

Back in April, I finally gave in and bought myself a kindle. I know, I know. It’s nothing like a physical copy and what not. Frankly, I’m not a fan of the clutter it creates plus no time for library trips. Anyway, so I got my first kindle after debating it for a over a year. Got myself the unlimited membership and it began. I poured myself every night into a new story. I escaped to a different worlds. Slowly I felt my moods change and found myself not overthinking or worrying too much. That’s when I realized that before being a mother having hobbies made me sane. Now I was an overthinking mess. By the end of June I made a separate Instagram account for makeup, products reviews and blog posts. I started making time for myself for skin care and light make up. Took time to go back into some video games and shows. I can finally say I’m doing so much better than before.

Before all this, it’s not that I was terrible. I just wasn’t myself. My skin was dry and dull. My eyes started to darken from lack of sleep. My mind was in constant battle with itself from overthinking and being bored. I would occasionally play some mobile games or distract myself with little things here and there. But it wasn’t enough. Things were setting me off, my moods were in this odd flux that I couldn’t understand myself. Overall I was content but these moments of darkness would send me spiraling and it would build up. That’s why this journey is important. That’s why I always tell others you need to love yourself before you can love others. It makes you a happier person overall and that’s what counts.